Top 5 reasons why "The Office" is the best show ever created in the history of the world

5. The Scranton branch of the Dunder Mifflin Corporation is a place where racism, sexism, and homophobia can all bring a smile to one’s face. And why, you might ask? Because such views are always touted by complete morons, thus reiterating the ridiculousness of those traits and ensuring a laugh at the expense of ignorance and stupidity.

4. Jim vs. Dwight. Their relationship is one of mutual dislike. And while Dwight’s weapon of choice in this heated office battle is being the top salesman, Jim chooses a much more innovative method for conquering his opponent: the office prank. Which one is your favorite? Where Jim puts Dwight’s office supplies in Jell-O and later in the vending machine? What about when Dwight is convinced that Jim is transforming into a vampire, or the time when Dwight’s desk is moved into the bathroom, or when Jim comes to work dressed as Dwight and does a rather flawless imitation of him? Or, how about what is possibly the most ingenious trick of all: when Jim uses Pavlov’s own classical conditioning technique to train Dwight to salivate for an altoid whenever Jim’s Windows starts up? The list goes on, and the hilarity never ceases. The days of rubber vomit and t.p.-ing are over, my friends. The inner prankster in all of us is now being held to a higher standard, and we must rise to meet the challenge.

3. The infamous boss we all wish we had and are so grateful that we don’t, Michael. As a narcissist, his first priority is his image. He hates doing anything that would diminish his standing before others. The problem is, every single word uttered from his mouth diminishes others’ opinions of him. He is a complete and utter embodiment of the word “moron”. How he managed to secure his position and retain it is beyond me, but I know that millions of fans are grateful that such an incompetent fool has not been laid off. We need more people like him in the work force to shake things up a bit and put those human resources people to work. And can’t we all relate in some way to Michael? Wouldn’t you hate someone who always called you on your crap like Toby? And who doesn’t want to date a gorgeous chair model from a magazine? All in all, I think it’s time we got in touch with the Michael in all of us.

2. The relationship between Jim and Pam. (Girlie squeal.) It’s soooo freakin’ cute how Jim has always been in love with Pam, and how perfect they are for each other, and how she called off her marriage to that bum because of him. Their camaraderie when it comes to pranking Dwight and brushing off Michael’s outlandish comments proves that they were meant to be. Who knows what is in store for the two adorable lovebirds, but their evolving relationship and (hopefully) impending engagement are reason number 2 that I watch the show.

1. Two words, one initial: Dwight K. Schrute. If you took all of the nerds, dweebs, geeks and dorks and rolled them into one ultra loser, he wouldn’t hold a candle to Dwight Schrute. Seriously, it’s one thing to be a fan of Battlestar Galactica, Lord of the Rings, and Dungeons and Dragons, and it’s another to believe that vampires and hobbits actually exist. Which living, breathing, human being would run a beet farm and date a tightwad like Angela? Only on paper and through the brilliance of a comically gifted actor could such a creature come to life. If someone like Dwight existed in my life, I would certainly be able to concoct pranks that match in brilliance with Jim’s. As it is, I have yet to meet such an astoundingly gullible geek, and it’s probably genetically impossible that I ever will.